I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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