There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize