i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
