he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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