woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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