i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
