Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
