we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
