I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
