Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize