u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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