Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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