i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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