Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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