They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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