good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize