He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She bit a glass in half.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
