I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
