I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
