Do you still have your period?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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