how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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