I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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