the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
