So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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