I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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