There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
