OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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