Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
