around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
