I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize