You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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