I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
