Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
