whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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