he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
