ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
