i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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