So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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