So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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