Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
