she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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