you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
