I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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