My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
