she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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