is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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