Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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