Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
