I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize