Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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