She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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