Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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