Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
