Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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