I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
