i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
