you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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