I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
