so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
