nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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