Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
