She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
