even my farts smell like vagina
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
