You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
