Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize