After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think your dad took our porno
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
