cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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