I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
