Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
