Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
