you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
