I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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