ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
