I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
