So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
