our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
