i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
BRING THE BAGELS
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
