just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
