Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
