If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
time to smoke my breakfast
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
