Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We had sex on a dog bed..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
