Non-Jews are for practice
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
