Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
