I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
