I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
