We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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