went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
