There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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