dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
