you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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