did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
