Umm I'm too high to move.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
