Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
