Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
