Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
