I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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