yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
