She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
