I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There r osticjed everywhere
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize