Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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