he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
