alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
