I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
