it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
