What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
