At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is the high leading the old right now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
