who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
