Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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