Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
