The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
