i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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