can u get pink eye on your cock?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
